From sources within the company, Jive Software, the cutting edge enterprise communication enhancing platform facilitator has been purchased by social media giant, Snapchat. Reached for comment, a representative at Jive's Palo Alto office gave the following statement, "Jive Software neither confirms nor denies rumors and/or speculation regarding its corporate structure and/or enterprise business based synergy integration platform internet portal solution development."
Internal documents reveal Snapchat founder and CEO, Evan Spiegel has boldly moved to redesign the popular social media app as a globally connected web portal. Currently available for iOS, Symbian, and BlackBerry OS, the Snapchat application will be discontinued as early as 2017. The reimagined company will allow users to create new accounts on the website Snapchat.biz, powered by Jive Software. Members will upload scanned photos and status updates using both e-mail or via a facsimile machine.
Mr. Spiegel wrote in a prepared statement, "I'm not confirming or denying rumors but we're turnt up to provide an epic, secret platform where millions of youth can practice being a$$holes by giving props to or throwing shade on their peers like tiny gods upon digital thrones, all from the safety of their locked bedrooms. We know what young people want. They want access to on fleek buzz words page wrapped in fully licensed Helvetica typeface smashed onto a shitty java underbelly while they Netflix and chill." [author’s money signs]
Reports first surfaced when LinkedIn e-mails noting change of employer from the account of Jive CEO and former Bing-slinger, Elisa Steele, were discovered in a spam folder. Before being finalized the acquisition must first be approved by both the ATF and CDC.
(Updated 8/29/16, 3:13pm EST to correct Jive's response: the initial article used the word energy instead of synergy)